tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3116036933808177024.post8213735156092452296..comments2024-03-26T17:20:11.640+08:00Comments on sketches from the other side: no thanksarchitarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13124702208354709765noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3116036933808177024.post-28285921471026579462011-12-10T11:36:07.783+08:002011-12-10T11:36:07.783+08:00I am all too familiar with the typical tales of wo...I am all too familiar with the typical tales of woe. My mother used to warn me about this and no visit home was complete without several "cousins" sharing hardships and asking for cash. My mother also cautioned me about avoiding flattering statements about my family's finances though we saw other expats strutting like peacocks under such fawning statements and then being pressured to hand over cash. We were friends with a ridiculous fellow Vietnamese woman who drained her husband's savings whenever she went home because she had told everyone that she was rolling in cash and then felt obligated to prove it.<br /><br />The reason why my friend (who is Thai) warms my cold heart is because she doesn't ask her husband for money but goes about earning it herself. Our family's Vietnamese friend would never have stooped to earning any of the money that she handed out so benevolently on anyone who fawned over her.architarthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13124702208354709765noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3116036933808177024.post-45515423704086539052011-12-10T01:19:19.298+08:002011-12-10T01:19:19.298+08:00These sort of situations are desperately hard. As ...These sort of situations are desperately hard. As someone who is (for a few more weeks) married to a Filipina (I assume you talk of the Philippines, but it could equally be any other SE Asian country) I have seen at first hand the grinding poverty that exists in rural villages there. And yes it is very easy to be sucked into giving a few dollars here, a few dollars there.<br /><br />The problem is that there is no end to this. I have given substantial amounts of money to help my (soon to be ex-) wife's family in many ways. But I have been forced to draw a line - I have, in effect, condemned people to death because I said that they were not within the group of people whose medical bills I would pay. It is very, very hard to do. But if you don't then you can basically be sucked into bankruptcy. You need to have clear rules about what you will and won't support or pay for. Otherwise people will just keep coming after you for money, time and time again.<br /><br />I don't want to sound cold-hearted about this, and I have spent tens of thousands of (US) dollars on medical and other assistance for people who I basically don't know. But I strongly advise you to be very careful, and to draw a clear line about what you will and will not support, sooner rather than later. The alternative is much more painful.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com