we say the darndest things

I decided that a solution to SB eating my dinner would be to make him lots of food so that he would not eat mine. I had never made a pizza before but it wasn't too hard. SB had mentioned how much he liked the Chicago deep dish (I am a fan of the thin, char-crusted Napoli style myself) so I dug up a recipe and it turned out great. I wanted to include pictures, as I was so proud of it, but SB literally bumped me out of the way and dove into it while it was cooling on the counter. I am not exaggerating. He had been waiting for not even thirty minutes but the scent of it baking sent him into a frenzy. I could only watch in dismay as he was bent over the counter, shoving his face into the pizza like a crazed animal.

It was only then that I realized how bad his carb addiction is.

Later that night, we had an interesting conversation.

me: Baby...
SB: yes?
me: If we were stuck in some deserted island, would you eat me?
SB: Well, would you be dying?
me: Yes. Both of us are starving to death.
SB: Maybe. Yes.
me: But I'm not the only one dying. We both are. Can't we just die together?
SB: That doesn't sound so smart.
(long pause)
SB: Well, maybe we could try to prolong it. What if we just ate a leg or something.
me: I don't want you to eat my leg! Wouldn't you feel awful after we got rescued, knowing that you ate my leg?
SB: I wasn't saying yours. (reaching down and feeling my leg) Yeah, there's not so much meat there.
me: But a leg makes me sad. What if we just lopped off my butt?
SB: No, that won't work
me: How about the extraneous parts? We could first remove my appendix...and a kidney.
SB: Too much risk of infection.
me: how about drinking blood?
SB: No good. You would lose more energy trying to recover. No net gain.
...the thing is...it would be very hard to motivate myself to lop off a leg.
me: I know. I would be very upset. We should just die together.
(then I snuggle up to him, satisfied with my solution)
SB: sigh.

Almost all of our danger scenario conversations end with me wanting to go down with him and him wanting to do whatever it took to survive. If this situation ever did occur, I can predict that he will let me think that we are going to slowly starve together but then he would hold out until I passed away and then eat me. Win-win situation.

Comments

Jennifer W said…
Ah ha ha ha. I love this. Kevin and I are the opposite :)