Last night SB and I joined a group of our rugby mates after dinner for a few drinks. We joined a bit after the rest of them and they were firmly ensconced in a game of "I Never." In case you have never heard of it, the game is a drinking game played by people going around the table and making statements beginning with "I never.." If you had ever done what the statement indicated, you had to drink. I had not played this game since undergrad with my women's rugby team and the things we found out about each other still traumatizes me. Dirty girls.
Here was the strange dilemma: SB and I don't know everything about each other. He knows I had a past that did not include him and I know the same about him. We inform each other about things that matter or things that are funny/meaningful/sorrowful but there has not been interest on either of our parts to drill the other about who else or what else lay in the past.
I have had more than a sneaking suspicion that I have had a rowdier past than my beloved. I have asked him if he wanted to know anything but he assured me that he could care less.
So last night I asked SB if he really wanted to play this silly game. "Sure," he said. "Are you really sure?" I asked. "Whatever," he replied nonchalantly.
I guess if I really wanted to, I could have lied but I reasoned that we loved each other and so I should have nothing to hide, right? For the next half hour SB and I both looked at each other in shock and amusement as we continued to have to take a drink at some of the outrageous statements being made. And we discovered that nothing really changes how much we love each other. Even if he did have more girlfriends in his past than he admitted to. "I thought you told me that you only dated four women in the two years that you lived here previously," I accused as I swatted him. "Well, Y was barely a girlfriend," he offered pathetically. "So let's talk about you kissing some girl with tongue." Gulp. I blamed everything on a really wild truth or dare game with the same women's rugby team.
So here is a warning: everything you do will come back around. Count on it. Even if you are the only one to know, you still have the burden of knowing. The true blessing is to be okay with yourself. The other lesson I learned from my past was that when I was not sure about myself, I met men who were equally insecure. But when I matured and realized that I was happy with myself I met others who were drawn to my confidence and happiness and could give back. It always comes back around.
Here was the strange dilemma: SB and I don't know everything about each other. He knows I had a past that did not include him and I know the same about him. We inform each other about things that matter or things that are funny/meaningful/sorrowful but there has not been interest on either of our parts to drill the other about who else or what else lay in the past.
I have had more than a sneaking suspicion that I have had a rowdier past than my beloved. I have asked him if he wanted to know anything but he assured me that he could care less.
So last night I asked SB if he really wanted to play this silly game. "Sure," he said. "Are you really sure?" I asked. "Whatever," he replied nonchalantly.
I guess if I really wanted to, I could have lied but I reasoned that we loved each other and so I should have nothing to hide, right? For the next half hour SB and I both looked at each other in shock and amusement as we continued to have to take a drink at some of the outrageous statements being made. And we discovered that nothing really changes how much we love each other. Even if he did have more girlfriends in his past than he admitted to. "I thought you told me that you only dated four women in the two years that you lived here previously," I accused as I swatted him. "Well, Y was barely a girlfriend," he offered pathetically. "So let's talk about you kissing some girl with tongue." Gulp. I blamed everything on a really wild truth or dare game with the same women's rugby team.
So here is a warning: everything you do will come back around. Count on it. Even if you are the only one to know, you still have the burden of knowing. The true blessing is to be okay with yourself. The other lesson I learned from my past was that when I was not sure about myself, I met men who were equally insecure. But when I matured and realized that I was happy with myself I met others who were drawn to my confidence and happiness and could give back. It always comes back around.
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