When SB told me that he wanted to marry me in September, it was all very exciting. We told a few people, he contacted his family to determine if he would want to use his grandmother's diamond or his mother's, and we started thinking about dates. And then it kind of trickled off. The rest of our lives became far more interesting than this planning, which was stressful even in the beginning stages. I didn't want to think about a ring, much less all the other logistics of planning a wedding. Then my uncle died and that was the end of that. We haven't spoken about marriage very much at all since. I am happy just to be with my SB. I guess I always felt like we should get married for the benefit of our families but now I realize that they also only care that we are happy. Except my father who probably lights a candle for me at mass every week. So maybe when we have time it will happen. In the meantime I just like knowing that it is a possibility.
The girls on my rugby team ask us when we're getting married regularly. I think that they are hoping for Lai See come the next new year. The other day one of my teammates asked me and I turned the question back at her. "When are you and R getting married," I responded. She was surprised and looked in confusion at her girlfriend. Well, why not? They have been together for longer than SB and me.
I have started to notice that there are a few ladies on my team who are my age and with long term partners but there is no discussion of marriage. We have celebrated four weddings this year but I have never heard of any talk of the lesbians exchanging vows. Many of my lesbian teammates are married in the States; they are embracing the same ideas of commitment, security and generativity that the straight teammates are celebrating. But here in HK it is still a far out concept.
One of the stateside couples recently had a baby. As I was writing in a card for them, I started wondering about how they would refer to themselves with their child. Mommy and Mother? Mom and Mama? What if they both wanted the same title? They couldn't both go by Mom, could they? I wonder how you even arrive at the title. Does one name just sound right and you go with it? In my family it is Maman and Papa. My mother refers to her parents as má and ba. My mother and father called his parents Mother and Father (it sounded so formal to me). SB calls his Mom and Dad. How does one determine what to be called for the rest of her life?
The girls on my rugby team ask us when we're getting married regularly. I think that they are hoping for Lai See come the next new year. The other day one of my teammates asked me and I turned the question back at her. "When are you and R getting married," I responded. She was surprised and looked in confusion at her girlfriend. Well, why not? They have been together for longer than SB and me.
I have started to notice that there are a few ladies on my team who are my age and with long term partners but there is no discussion of marriage. We have celebrated four weddings this year but I have never heard of any talk of the lesbians exchanging vows. Many of my lesbian teammates are married in the States; they are embracing the same ideas of commitment, security and generativity that the straight teammates are celebrating. But here in HK it is still a far out concept.
One of the stateside couples recently had a baby. As I was writing in a card for them, I started wondering about how they would refer to themselves with their child. Mommy and Mother? Mom and Mama? What if they both wanted the same title? They couldn't both go by Mom, could they? I wonder how you even arrive at the title. Does one name just sound right and you go with it? In my family it is Maman and Papa. My mother refers to her parents as má and ba. My mother and father called his parents Mother and Father (it sounded so formal to me). SB calls his Mom and Dad. How does one determine what to be called for the rest of her life?
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