Wednesday, September 14, 2011

tick tock

I am attending two weddings next month.  One of the brides met her future husband a few months before SB proposed to me.  This fact led me to bring up our delayed/aborted wedding plans with SB.  He told me that he had been thinking a lot about our wedding plans and then began to list out ideas in a way that sounded like some kind of stream of consciousness performance.  The conversation died a painful death soon after. 

With each passing day of our years' long engagement I become more convinced to elope.  I do not think that I will survive wedding planning with SB; his ADHD will push my patience to the breaking point.  Since his informal proposal in 2009 he has thought really hard at short intervals about my ring but there is still nothing in the works.  I told him to just ask his mother for the ring that his father gave to her but he forgot to do that when he was visiting her last month and hasn't thought about it since.  I originally wasn't sure that I wanted the ring because his parents are divorced but any squeamishness has been overridden by despair at the thought of him choosing one for me before this decade is over.

He has all sorts of random and varied ideas about how he would like our wedding to be but he has done absolutely nothing to bring anything about because his ADHD makes him adverse to decision making and favorable to procrastination.  I have no interest in planning a wedding alone, especially since I am sure it would include having to buy the ring and arrange for when he should give it to me down to writing the proposal script. Yeah, not interested.  At. All.

I can't even pretend to support his ideas anymore because the more he talks, the further away it becomes.  I want to give him a deadline to put a plan together or else we should elope and get it over with.  I am stuck between Scylla and Charybdis because he hates being given deadlines and yet he only makes decisions when forced to.  I want the wedding to be a joyful occasion but it is becoming an endless frustration waiting for him to dream on while several of our grandparents have literally dropped dead in the meantime.  We both agree that happily ever after is our goal rather than the wedding itself.  I would even live happily ever after without the legal bindings if only we could just get it over with, one way or another.  Oh please let it be over soon.


deschatjes said...

ok, here's an idea. A friend of mine went to a wedding like this way back in the 80's and I saw the picture of the wedding party in her home and I've always thought this was the best way ever.

Everyone was invited for a cycling adventure race (in the days before the amazing race, and this was in the Netherlands). So, they all came, had a brilliant afternoon, and the last stop they all arrived happy and sweaty there were the two, transformed into wedding gear, with a priest in tow, got married, had a major party, best and happiest wedding photo I've seen in my life!

You can get hold of "urban discovery" in HK - I'm sure they'd organize something similar for you there. You can end up in Stanley at the little chapel if you want a church wedding.

sure, not everyone will be able to come, but so what, it's better than eloping. And then back home you can have a party for the rest of the people.

architart said...

It sounds like fun. However considering that I am sticking to my guns about SB having to bear his responsibilities in all of this I may have to shave off the party part and arrange a hike that ends up at the marraige registrar.