Thursday, October 6, 2011

friends like those

One of SB'c casual friends hit on me last night.  We were having an enjoyable conversation and then he had to go and ruin it by getting drunk and becoming less friendly and more...friendly.  First I tried to play it off as a jest and then I tried the subtle rebuff.  In the end the conversation went something like, "I'm not interested, this isn't fun anymore and you're a d*ck."  Then I fixed him with my magnificent stink eye and tried not to trip over anything on my way out.   Overall I give myself a seven out of ten on how I handled the situation.  I could have done better but I am not used to being hit on anymore.  In my early twenties I would have dispatched him with aplomb but I have grown out of practice with good reason.  In a city of seven million people there are younger, prettier and easier prey.

HK is probably close to paradise for white, expat men. Everyone seems to assume that white guys make loads of money.  SB told me that when he was here in his early twenties he was inundated with pretty, local women.  Even after they found out that he was a dirt poor intern only a few lost interest; maybe they were good at long term planning.  He will never admit it but I have seen photos from the year that he was here without me and there were a lot of women around.  I remember visiting him and noticing several women who wouldn't make eye contact with me and giggled at him like bird brains.  Three years later these women are still around but have mostly moved on to other targets.  Mostly.


Anonymous said...

It's not that simple. Certainly as a young-ish (let's say sub-40) gweilo in Hong Kong it is possible to attract a posse of pretty young local things if that is your wish. And to shag a load of them too. But it gets old very soon (or at least it did for me 12 years ago when I arrived). And it really is a matter of choice: you don't need to hang out in the places that local gold-diggers dig, and it's very easy to indicate that you're not interested.

Other phases may include the Wanchai scene (physically attractive Filipinas for the night for the price of a few beers), and "Sunday afternoon specials" (DHs in Wanchai on their day off, at minimal cost).

But after a while I think most guys realise that there's more to it than that (exceptions can be viewed in the Old China Hand and adjacent hostelries). From what you've written it seems that SB is very clear which side his bread is buttered, but most guys are going to find it hard not to at least have a bit of a flirt from time to time.

Isn't this a good thing? I would be somewhat uncomfortable going out with a woman that no-one else found attractive, and I suspect you feel the same. Do you really want to be with a guy that no other woman hits on? The important thing is how he handles it.

Anonymous said...

Oh, sorry! I just realised that of course you get all of that, and that the purpose of your post was just to make sure that SB understands that other guys still hit on you.

That was dumb of me. Apologies.

architart said...

Smoggie, you crack me up. I'll start with the second comment- SB doesn't read my blog and I haven't told him about being hit on. Unless the drunk idiot does it again I would rather forget the whole sorry incident and not cause any discomfort. I hate awkwardness. I can't even watch awkward scenes in movies without cringing.

As for the first comment, I spend a lot of time in Wanchai and haven't made as many astute observations as you. If only you were around when SB's business school classmates were in town because I had no idea where to send them. You may have a bestselling guide on your hands. You have also reinforced my opinion that gweilos have an unusually high success rate for hot women in this town. You should mention that in your guidebook as well. Meanwhile due to the inflated hotness value of gweilo men I have to put off my velour tracksuit wearing days for another couple of years until I can get him back safely to the States.

Anonymous said...

You need to tell your husband about his friend making a pass at you. He needs to know what kind of friend he has and if he hears from someone else he could be angry at you.

architart said...

I thought about it. The friend would probably deserve the discomfort of SB being unhappy with him but that is not where my interest lies. I am focused on my relationship with SB and don't see the need to tell him something that would only make him unhappy and possibly for very little reason. If the friend, who is only a casual friend, does something inappropriate again then I will deal with it.

BTW- I think that if he had other motives than being stupidly intoxicated they had less to do with an actual interest in me and more to do with how he would feel to be chosen over a great guy like SB. So in the end I made a decision to protect SB's happiness over punishing the jerk.