Monday, May 28, 2012

motherload

It's funny that for someone who wasn't exactly mothered, I am mothering.  Maybe the irony isn't funny but pathetic.  Either way, even though I don't want for children I love doting on SB.  Having read about relationship issues, I try not to do it so much so that our relationship becomes some weird mother and child situation but I limbo the line in several instances.  Yesterday I caught myself spooning food into him.  In public.  And he was just sitting there, reading the paper and absentmindedly opening his mouth like a baby bird every time  I came near him with a spoon full of fruit.

I have spoon fed him before, but only at home and usually only after he has stopped eating and has gotten distracted with something else.  His family will back me up that even as a child he would take hours to finish dinner.  Rather than leaving him to his own devices I shovel the rest of his meal into him so I can start on the dishes.  I will admit that I kind of like feeding him.  His life is centered around food and eating and I have become focused on stuffing him like a goldfish.  Is there such thing as having a fetish that is non-sexual?  Because there is nothing remotely sexy to me about feeding SB but I get a moderate amount of personal satisfaction when he enjoys my meals enough to overeat.  The only reason that this works is because he has that ridiculous metabolism; otherwise he would weigh 400lb and our food fest would take on a more sinister bend.

I wonder if part of this is a security thing.  Not food security but security through food.  Although it was good to hear that SB considers me to be the prettiest, I was much more pleased when I became the best cook.  This took a while because ex-girlfriend  F was a marvel and while SB loved what I was preparing, there was no way to compare my Vietnamese and Southwestern American cooking with her British cooking.  Luckily for me she started dating a Muslim man and handed over the recipe for her cumin-mustard seed-lemon marinated pork loin, thus ensuring my victory by default.  She is probably winning accolades with a cumin-mustard seed-lemon marinated lamb loin but it will be a while before SB is able to visit her and sample her bounty.  Which gives me plenty of time to spoon feed him into submission.

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