Friday, August 2, 2013

an ending to the story

Today, to foster better appreciation of the conversation, I am using GIFs to tell my story.

Once upon a time (as in yesterday during dinner) SB told me that an ex-friend contacted him at the start of 2013 to try to restart their friendship that she had ended four years ago.


So, how were we going to do this, I asked of him.  "Wait, wait," he told me, "you're getting ahead of yourself."  And what the heck, he was laughing at me.  But then he told me to hear him out.

During their conversation she said that she wanted the friendship back and he reminded her that she had been very hurtful toward me.  She reminded him that I had sent her that email.

Oh yes, that email which justifies everything.

I sent the email in 2007, asking her to give SB and me some space.  It was polite, but when she responded negatively I apologized.  She pretended to accept my apology, even sending me a response with smiley faces, and then spent the next two years personally attacking me, giving SB ultimatums, and telling him that all of their mutual friends thought that I was a (insert your choice of a rude word) and he should dump me. Despite me never communicating with her since the one set of emails exchanges, she kept going.

Disproportionate response?

SB told her that he would think about it (their friendship, not about dumping me), which he apparently has been doing since their conversation was months ago. He decided that he isn't sure that he wants to be friends with her; the benefit is limited because when they ended the friendship, she had demanded that he give up contact with "her" friends so there aren't a lot of mutual acquaintances left to bind them now.  And of course there's that thing about her un-remorseful non-apology.

It's about damn time he actively stood up for me.

 He laughed at me because he had expected a stronger, adverse reaction.  I wasn't too thrilled that he wanted me to turn the other cheek all those years ago.  I may even admit to resentment that he did little while the one sided behavior went on and on.

He asked me not to respond, even as he did nothing.  Grrr.

He felt that I should at least know what was on the table (typical businessman reaction).  So what was on the table?  She offered that she was agreeable to meeting me.  Yup, that was it.

Gee, after putting it all behind us, that sounds like reason enough to risk bringing drama back into our lives.

Maybe I'm secretly a masochist?

I struggled to understand her logic.  When I tried to befriend her all those years ago it was for SB's sake, not because I had any desire to get to know her on my own. If she offered a meeting with Aung San Suu Kyi then yes, but what kind of concession is this?

I did not share my inner cynicism with SB. Instead, I told him that if he changes his mind in the future, I would be willing to work with him. I shocked myself when I realized that I meant it, and it wasn't just lip service.

Did I just make a concession?!

I would have thought that we couldn't surprise each other after being together for so long.  I never thought that bighearted SB would walk away from the chance to renew an acquaintance (he said that lack of remorse was "unattractive") and SB didn't expect rational behavior from me on this subject.  I didn't expect me to be reasonable about the possible reemergence of someone who spent years her venting her spleen all over me (and him, but mostly me).

Now it's my turn. Well, at least on the blog.

I guess in the end, we all got what we wanted.  She got to attack without reprisal, I got SB, and he got me, which I happen to think is a fine choice indeed.  All is well with the world.

The end.  Basta Cosi.


mariner said...

beautifully-told, interesting story, wishing you a happy conclusion... where can beginner (me) learn to upload GIF etc? Can you recommend anything, like "Dummy" books? TNX!

architart said...

You can look for GIFs online and download them as you would a regular image and then upload them the same way. Most websites and blogs will treat them in almost the same way as a JPEG. Under Google's image search, you can choose to look for animated image type in the search tools.

Now if you want to create your own GIF from a home video or movie clipping, it is more difficult because you probably need to first create the 1-2 second clip using a movie making program and then convert it into a GIF. The easiest way is to use the built in features of Adobe Photoshop (later versions only) or try one of the free programs online such as, picasion or imgflip.

mariner said...

many thanks indeed, wonderful to know how to get started.