Wednesday, September 17, 2014

very idiotic position

Having been nominated, unbeknownst to myself, for a chairman’s position in one of my industry related clubs, and voted in by a gaggle of gleeful committee members (after all, this will look good on my CV), I attended my first meeting in the larger organization. The meeting began on a Monday night at 6:30, which I had to send apologies for missing the beginning of since I had a meeting that would not end for another hour. By the time I was able to arrive, most of the important business had been covered and the rest of the scheduled meeting went on for an hour more. Then we got to the part of AOB and it all fell apart. The majority of chairmen from the other organizations felt the need to say something, or in a lot of cases, lots of somethings. Two more hours went by as issues were brought up, noted for future resolution, and then brought up again by another chairman. I was reminded of the story regarding blind men feeling up an elephant. In the end, I went home hungry and feeling vaguely violated.

I was assured by the previous chairman of our club that this meeting was probably abnormal, being the first of the season. So, you didn’t have this experience, I asked. *insert the sound of crickets chirping*

At meeting two, we were informed that various bodies representing various bodies wanted to make presentations to us as part of our going forward plans. I looked around and counted six unfamiliar faces. Six! Sure enough, each man had something important to say, illustrated by his PowerPoint, or in two cases, multiple PowerPoint presentations. Two and a half hours ticked by. At some point I felt a silent scream building. It became an audible moan when my foot tapping caused my toes to go numb, followed by the pain of tiny, stabbing pin pricks when feeling returned to them. My forward leaning posture as I attempted to regain feeling in my feet caused my butt to fall asleep next. At some point my folding chair started to resemble an iron maiden and it was all I could do to not writhe and flop like a dying fish. Not that anyone would have noticed, as most of the chairmen were sporting glazed, unseeing eyes. The man next to me seemed to be focused on the light fixture above our heads as though it would give divine inspiration. Or at least advice on how to end the torture.

Finally, the last important body had finished his illustrated speech and it was time to…get down to the meeting. Whaaaaat?! There was more?! And that, my friends, is where the story ends. Because I faked a Very Important phone call and ran off into the night. And the only thing that I’m ashamed of is that it took me so long to think up my escape plan.

Is it too early to resign my position?

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