Friday, January 2, 2015

ringing in the year

The new year started without a bang, thankfully, and although I did not indulge in the horror that is cheap champagne, I was still met with all of the pain and nausea that bad bubbly imparts. For the first time in four years I was laid low by a migraine. Oh joy.

It had been so long since the last one that I believed that those awful days were over but yesterday proved otherwise. Even as I started to experience the symptoms of what was to come, I convinced myself of other reasons. My sudden sensitivity to light must have been due to tiredness. My growing headache was due to dehydration. But an hour later when I was curled into a ball of pain in my darkened room, I knew my migraine for what it was.

The pups sensed that something was wrong because they kept circling the bed and 'periscoping' to peek at me over the edge. I finally couldn't handle the clicking of their toes on the floor and risked nausea (and SB's wrath) to haul them into the bed. Having never been up on the bed before, they were apprehensive and unsure of their footing on the down duvet over memory foam mattress but they soon settled down and cuddled up to me. Tippy was very worried at my low spirits and proceeded to lick my hand incessantly while Elsie curled up, farted on me, and fell asleep.

SB, being a sensitive sort of man, decided that he would cook lunch for a change. Yeah, his wonderful habit of sharing the chores with me lasted all of a month. But yesterday I was grateful for any relief.

Then five minutes later my phone began to ring. It was SB at the grocery store.

"I can't find sliced almonds," he said.

"Look in the baking section instead of the nuts and snacks," I replied.

A few minutes later the phone rang again.

"I can't find parsley," he complained.

"Buy the dried stuff," I replied.

"Where is that?"

"I don't know. Why don't you look for it?"

Then not even a minute later: ring, ring.

"Is a courgette the same thing as zucchini?"

"You have a phone. You are using it to bother me. Look it up." This I rasped as I fought the rising tide of nausea.

*Ring ring*

"I can't remember what else I use in my pasta sauce. Let's see, I have tomatoes, sausage..."

At this point I hung up the phone and turned it off. He came home twenty minutes later feeling salty that I was so unpleasant when he was trying to be helpful. I wasn't very nice to him. We did not have pasta for lunch because he was incapable of shopping for six ingredients for his own recipe without harassing me to the point where if we were living in the US I would have found someone with a gun and SHOT MYSELF rather than having to spend one more second in the hell that was listening to a ringing phone when you have a migraine.

A few hours into the ordeal I remembered that I had bought a box of Excedrin Migraine in 2010 and tore apart our medicine box until I found it. It had expired in 2012 so I took two because why not? Then I washed it down with some allergy medicine since that stuff always makes me drowsy and fell into blissful slumber. Or overdose, whatever. I woke up several hours later with a manageable headache and was able to go to the grocery store and then finish making dinner for my sulking boyfriend who was moodily playing the guitar, oblivious to how close to death he would have been if I had been conscious and suffering when he had started playing it. Excedrin Migraine, how I love thee. SB, not so much right now.

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