Wednesday, September 7, 2016

big babies

My friend shared this gem from a recent attempt in dating.



Our friends were quick to reassure her, not that she needed it. She is a smart cookie and figured that Jack was the problem, but was mystified at what he was thinking. I recalled my own mystification during my short lived foray into online dating.

During the time that SB and I broke up (he dumped me because his ex interfered with "good advice" but mostly because he was a moron) I was pretty upset and thought that the best way to get over him was to move on quickly and not think about it too much. I signed up to one of those online dating sites. I got an account and filled out a questionnaire. I recall that I checked the box for 'only interested in dating with possibility of relationship' or something like that. When I logged into my account, I was pleased to see that I had received several messages. Then I read the messages.

In the four or five days between signing up for an account and logging in to check, the messages revealed more than one man expressing interest, followed by expressing annoyance that I had not replied, followed by informing me that they were no longer interested due to my behavior and were dumping me. One of the men went so far as to fill out a review of me, telling me to grow up and chastising me for not replying with my disinterest. He warned others who looked at my profile that I was picky and would rudely ignore them instead of replying. I think this was one of those times in my life when my mouth dropped open literally. In four or five days I had managed to become a pariah to the dating website without actually doing anything. I quickly deleted my account.

With the way that communication and accessibility have increased since 2008, poor J doesn't even get those four days to be skewered by some overly sensitive man-child. She only had 30 minutes before Jack threw his toys out of the pram.

At least my story ended happily eventually after. A couple days after the breakup, SB realized what a gigantic moron he was, or at least he realized that he felt icky inside, and his poor sister was given the task of groveling to me (he was in a plane for the next 14 hours and didn't want to lose time). It started out poorly when she relayed to me that he was miserable and I was not as impressed as she had been to realize how deeply SB cared...after breaking my heart. I impressed upon her that her brother was a warty toad. There were negotiations and a plane ticket to visit him in Hong Kong for spring break. We reconciled with the stipulation that he should never take relationship advice without trying to talk to me first, and certainly never take advice from an ex who wanted him back (seriously, I'm still annoyed at what a moron he was). If he wanted to know my expectations, he could ask me. Like normal people do, unless they are man-children. I strongly prefer mild relationship retardation to man-children.

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