Monday, July 24, 2017

sunshine in the clouds

We have less than two months until our wedding and a few things have started to go off the rails. One of my bridesmaids can only arrive the morning of the wedding, though I think it is okay because I can just have her walk down the aisle after another bridesmaid and how hard can that be? The florist, an extraordinarily talented woman, has ghosted on me. I was becoming suspicious that this would be the case because I read some recent reviews from other brides discussing how she seemed to have disappeared. I'll figure out something...I hope. My father and sister are both insisting on reading for our ceremony despite SB and I wanting to keep the ceremony short and sweet. We already had a reader and a couple of readings chosen so this will extend the ceremony unless we cut out the reader who we invited.

Three couples who were invited to the wedding are eloping. This does not bother me but I am noting it because I think it's remarkable. I guess that love is in the air.

What finally did me in was on Saturday I discovered that SB had yet to complete any of the items on his list, and finally I experienced wedding jitters. Originally he was going to plan the wedding but I had to take over almost everything in February when I found out that he had done nothing, assuming with no actual, factual evidence that there was plenty of time. We lost the desired venue and desired caterers and I had to take over before we were left with no options at all. When I found out that he had not arranged the bar, had not ordered the custom shirts for his groomsmen, had not visited the tailor to order his blazer or his trousers....well, I freaked out and asked him if he really wanted to get married. This freaked him out and apparently he spent the whole day with a stomach ache at the thought that I wanted to cancel the wedding. He told me that he never for a minute had any second thoughts and why would I think such a thing? Well, let's think about this: if I heard from a friend that her fiance promised to plan the wedding but then did nothing, and then promised to at least sort out his clothing while the bride did everything else and then he didn't, I would advise her to have a serious talk with the groom about whether he really wanted to get married. 

Sunday's T8 weather seemed very fitting with my internal gloom at having had a major wedding fight with SB the night before. I was at the end of my rope with his ADHD related procrastination, more so with his denial of procrastination and completely bonkers justification for why he could't complete any task, which usually happens when he is really far gone down the path to destruction. When things are really bad, as in so low on time that there may be irreversible damage or unavoidable failure, SB will go into this emotional state where he becomes unreasonable and stubborn. He doubled down on his reasons why he can't confirm anything, which is a circular argument that he can't choose the blazer color without having the shirts and he can't order the shirts because he needs to confirm that they match with the blazer. I failed at trying to make him see reason and he insisted that while he has employed outrageous justifications for procrastination in the past, this time he was sure of his rightness. I am sure that he will finally admit that this is another case of procrastination induced insanity after he marries me in his underwear.

At 4pm I couldn't take any more gloom and we headed out into the hills for a short hike. As we reached the reservoir over Tai Hang Road, the sun broke through the clouds for just a moment before setting in a haze of orange. I realized that the bright side of SB showing up to the church in his underwear is that it will distract from my family reading endlessly from the pulpit. I made note to sign the bar contract without waiting for SB because alcohol might be the most important factor of the wedding. At the end of this, I will be married to the man that I love, whether I remember the event or not.

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