Even better than the magic hockey stick and only slightly less painful.
One of the side effects of forwarding all of my e-mail into one account is that gmail forwarded every e-mail I had from the hotmail account. Because I am compulsively organized I had to go through every single message and assign it into a folder so that my inbox would always have only one page of active e-mail.
Tonight I arrive at the messages from six years ago. Wow, I couldn't believe six years had passed. There was some heavy stuff there: my first experience with a Cornell suicide, the implosion of a dear friend's marriage that was caused by a former friend, and the pain of my own relationship ending with my boyfriend sleeping with a mutual friend. It was the year of rugby players cheating on rugby players with other rugby players I guess.
I remember wondering how to weather the storm then. Everything seemed so insurmountable. As broken hearted as I was over the failure of my own relationship I think that the breakup of my friend's marriage had a far more devastating effect on me. K and C were some of my closest friends and H was a member of our rugby team. H was a mess. She had drug problems, money problems, and drama problems. K kindly let her move in because H had been evicted from her home and was failing out of school. H repaid her by sleeping with C. K moved in with me and H took over as mistress of the house with C. Ugh. I was torn because I loved, loved, loved K but also liked C a lot and in a lot of ways felt betrayed by him because all this had ruined our happy little group. And then my boyfriend cheated with my other teammate and that pretty much spelled out the demise of what had been a wonderful place in time.
Years later I still look back with some pangs as I remember myself as that young woman who cried her heart out when she found out that things were not going to end happily ever after. I am in a wonderful place now and K has remarried a prince among men so I guess in the end we all live and (hopefully learn). There was a time when I wanted to extract my pound of flesh in revenge for what happened but I mostly just wanted to turn back the clock. In a weird twist of fate, H lived with C and seemed to have turned her life around until recently when she suffered a headache at the school that she was teaching in. She went to the toilet and collapsed. C had to remove her from life support a few days later. Cerebral aneurysm. She didn't even make it to 30.
Fast forward six years and an older, wiser me would say that time does soften the blow. I am thankful that I walked away from it all because having kept my nose clean, I don't have any regrets.
One of the side effects of forwarding all of my e-mail into one account is that gmail forwarded every e-mail I had from the hotmail account. Because I am compulsively organized I had to go through every single message and assign it into a folder so that my inbox would always have only one page of active e-mail.
Tonight I arrive at the messages from six years ago. Wow, I couldn't believe six years had passed. There was some heavy stuff there: my first experience with a Cornell suicide, the implosion of a dear friend's marriage that was caused by a former friend, and the pain of my own relationship ending with my boyfriend sleeping with a mutual friend. It was the year of rugby players cheating on rugby players with other rugby players I guess.
I remember wondering how to weather the storm then. Everything seemed so insurmountable. As broken hearted as I was over the failure of my own relationship I think that the breakup of my friend's marriage had a far more devastating effect on me. K and C were some of my closest friends and H was a member of our rugby team. H was a mess. She had drug problems, money problems, and drama problems. K kindly let her move in because H had been evicted from her home and was failing out of school. H repaid her by sleeping with C. K moved in with me and H took over as mistress of the house with C. Ugh. I was torn because I loved, loved, loved K but also liked C a lot and in a lot of ways felt betrayed by him because all this had ruined our happy little group. And then my boyfriend cheated with my other teammate and that pretty much spelled out the demise of what had been a wonderful place in time.
Years later I still look back with some pangs as I remember myself as that young woman who cried her heart out when she found out that things were not going to end happily ever after. I am in a wonderful place now and K has remarried a prince among men so I guess in the end we all live and (hopefully learn). There was a time when I wanted to extract my pound of flesh in revenge for what happened but I mostly just wanted to turn back the clock. In a weird twist of fate, H lived with C and seemed to have turned her life around until recently when she suffered a headache at the school that she was teaching in. She went to the toilet and collapsed. C had to remove her from life support a few days later. Cerebral aneurysm. She didn't even make it to 30.
Fast forward six years and an older, wiser me would say that time does soften the blow. I am thankful that I walked away from it all because having kept my nose clean, I don't have any regrets.
Comments