Tuesday, April 28, 2015

paddles up

This Sunday was my first dragonboat race with my second team. My first team is a merely social team that only participates in the big Stanley event but I love them too much to leave the team. I joined the second team because I wanted to be more serious about my paddling skills and boy did I have to be careful what I wished for. My second team is dead serious about wanting to win. I told SB not to come out and support me because I wasn't sure if I would be allowed any time to socialize between the team talks and warm ups. These pictures were taken from the team's Facebook page because I didn't bring along a camera, thinking that I wouldn't be able to watch any other races. As it turned out, there was a bit of time for socialization but mostly we needed to stay near the team tent or people would get nervous. It was quite a difference from my other team, where we never knew if we even had a full team until five minutes before the race, and half of the team was drunk. That being said, my old team performed surprisingly well in spite of, or maybe because of, our laid back attitudes.

Do you like the background? It had been a while since I'd been to Lamma and I had forgotten about the plant right on the water. I had not forgotten the current and hoped that our lane would be closer to the sea wall. The boats on the outside lanes encountered difficulty staying in their lanes. One of the races had to be repeated because four boats crashed. In our first race, we came within a meter of another boat. I don't know who was to blame so I'll blame the other team.

We placed third in the 500m finals and first in the 1000m race. I didn't even know that there was a 1000m race! I'm not sure how I feel about dragging around a cumbersome boat using a somewhat inefficient stroke for 1000 meters. Give me a kayak and we'll talk. Anyway, it was nice to win something. Our trophy had not one but two tiers of angels and no less than four acorns on top. It made for a very auspicious event. I also received a hefty medal to wear and was chastised for not putting it on but I have a stance against wearing albatross like weights around my neck.

Friday, April 24, 2015

ankles bites

A year and a half ago I noticed a trend for short pants. This trend seemed especially popular with the hipster males in my office but soon it caught on to the general male population. I tried not to notice the ridiculous suits that were being worn. Some men preferred to show flair in exposing colorful and wildly patterned socks under their raised trouser cuffs, but more men were entirely forgoing socks. This was and still is the absolute worst. My eyes are assaulted every day by expanses of hairy ankles being exposed between where the pointy, pimp shoes end and where the skinny short pant cuffs begin.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

just saying

The "I was in fear for my life" is so often used to justify police officers shooting fleeing suspects, most of them unarmed, that it would be laughable if not for the fact that the suspects aren't alive to provide a rebuttal. 

No charges are expected in the most recent shooting in Tulsa, where the suspect died after being immediate denied medical assistance and told "fuck your breath" as he desperately asked for help. In fact no investigation is being undertaken because the black man clearly "shouldn't have fucking ran".

Monday, April 13, 2015

big whoop

Actually, the mother of all irony would be if the kids were autistic, but I see what you were trying to say there.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

constant comment

SB's guitar skills are much improved to my surprise. Only a year ago I was struggling to identify nursery songs that he was playing and now he regularly entertains with folk songs. We're not at the point that he carries his guitar with him to get-togethers but he isn't too shy to borrow another, better player's guitar and play one or two tunes. Recently while having drinks after a lacrosse match at the local pub, where the manager warmly refers to the loud group of American men as douchbags, SB serenaded our friend Matt with Guns N' Roses' Patience. Matt enjoyed the song up until SB changed the words from to sing, "all we need is just a little Constance." Constance is Matt's fiance. Matt, usually one of the loudest of the group (the three loudest players all happen to work in finance but that is merely a coincidence), was surprisingly bashful at having his love for Constance singled out and rather vehemently requested for SB to shut up.

Of course this meant that SB sang with even greater enthusiasm. Due to Patience, er, Constance, being a rock ballad, one cannot strum harder or louder and so the only way to increase the intensity of the song is to moan even more excessively than Axl Rose, not an easy feat considering the lead singer's prodigious talent at moaning. "Constance, mm yeah, mm yeah, oooooh," wailed SB as Matt turned an alarming shade of pink and tried to club him into submission.

SB is planning to serenade them with this at their wedding in September. Because that's how douchebags show affection to each other.

Sunday, April 5, 2015


SB, not a morning person, had to ascertain with me that today was Easter. "What are we going to do today?" he asked me. My response was that we were going to celebrate this fine day by lurking in the air conditioned splendor of the apartment and hide from the sun due to my flaming red skin color. Yesterday was a very bright and sunny day, the first of the year that I can recall, and my sunblock did not last for the two hours that I was out with my dragonboat group. And then I went on a hike with SB and the dogs.

And this is how I have managed to trap myself at home watching SB watch The Life of Brian. He will stop in the middle of the movie and replay the scene of Biggus Dickus several times, chortling along with the Romans.

If you have never heard of Biggus Dickus, you can read about the historical (hysterical?) Roman legate here.